Divorce Isn’t About Punishing Bad Spouses

Going through a divorce can be one of the most emotionally turbulent experiences in life. Amidst the pain and anger, its common for people to want punishment for bad spouses– especially if things like infidelity or emotional abuse fueled the marital breakdown. However, Illinois courts take a different approach when it comes to divorce and focus on a more practical solution. This means modern divorce in Illinois isn’t about punishing bad spouses

Illinois: A “No-Fault” Divorce State

Illinois is a “no-fault” divorce state. This means that in order to obtain a divorce, you do not prove to the court that your spouse did something wrong. You don’t need to present evidence of adultery, abuse, or other harmful acts. The primary consideration is whether there are “irreconcilable differences” that have caused the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.

This approach reflects a fundamental shift away from viewing divorce through a moral lens and towards a more practical one. The court isn’t concerned with adjudicating personal failings. Its role is to untangle the legal and financial bonds of the marriage and prepare the way for each individual to begin a new chapter.

In part, this change was to prevent divorce court Judges and lawyers from being continuously exposed to additional trauma. It can be very hard on the legal professionals involved in divorce to hear horrible stories of abuse, adultery and other bad acts continuously.

Punishing Bad Spouses Isn’t the Divorce Court’s Job

Let’s be clear: adultery, abuse, and other hurtful behaviors are wrong and can have devastating consequences. However, family courts aren’t criminal courts. Their primary duty isn’t punishment but to come up with a fair way to:

• Divide assets and debts: The court has to decide who gets what when a couple’s life is untangled, regardless of who was “right” or “wrong.” And no, the bad acts your soon-to-be-ex are not going to be a part of the division of your assets and debts.

• Determine parenting times and support (if applicable): The children’s well-being takes priority in these decisions. This might feel unfair if a spouse was awful, but the court has strict protocols to ensure the safety and best interest of the children.

• Help you move to your future without reliving your past.  The focus of a divorce is about ending your past, not reliving it.

Why Avoid Rehashing the “Why”

It seems logical that if your spouse was a terrible person, you’d “win” more in a divorce, but that’s not how Illinois law works. Here’s why forcing couples to focus solely on the reasons their marriage failed can backfire:

• Re-living Trauma: If you were emotionally abused or cheated on, dwelling on these details in court means prolonging the trauma. It might satisfy a desire for revenge momentarily, but it keeps you locked in that cycle of pain.

• Escalated conflict: When one spouse is publicly accused, it triggers defensiveness. What’s meant to be a legal proceeding turns into a mudslinging battle. This hurts everyone involved, especially shared children.

• Increased Trauma: Dredging up stories of abuse, betrayal, and emotional pain can be incredibly harmful. It exposes both parties to further hurt to share the trauma over and over to countless professionals.

• Lengthy, Expensive Trials: Proving abuse or assigning blame adds complexity to the already difficult process. This means more lawyer fees, more time lost, and more emotional turmoil.

What About Justice?

It’s crucial to understand that “no-fault” divorce doesn’t mean physically abusive spouses get a free pass. Victims of domestic abuse can still obtain legal protection through separate channels, like restraining orders, even if they aren’t brought up in the divorce case itself. Additionally, a history of abuse can and should impact the Court’s decisions concerning the children. The court’s priority is the best interest of the children. This means the Court cares deeply that your children will be in a safe, loving home.

Divorce is About Moving Forward, Not Dwelling on the Past

While a sense of getting your “fair share” in the divorce is natural, Illinois law recognizes that true fairness lies in helping couples move on as cleanly as possible. Dwelling on revenge and punishment creates a toxic process that can leave long-lasting damage for everyone involved.

Instead, the focus in an Illinois divorce is to establish a practical path forward. While this may initially feel frustrating, it’s ultimately better than staying mired in the hurtful details of the past.

Punishing bad spouses is not part of the equation, but after your divorce, I can certainly give you some ideas to help with your emotional growth. If you can push past your hurt and want to instead focus on the agreements you can make, reach out. Call my office to schedule a consultation or contact me.

Disclaimer: The content of this post is not a substitute for professional legal advice. Laws can be intricate and differ based on individual circumstances and geographic location. Seek guidance from a qualified attorney for your specific legal needs.