Parenting Without Telepressure: Why Asynchronous Communication is a Game-Changer

Have you ever felt that constant pull that every text, email, or message requires an immediate response? This phenomenon is called “telepressure,” and it’s a growing problem in the digital age – impacting our parenting styles and our relationships with our co-parents or former partners. Asynchronous communication offers a welcome escape allowing parenting without telepressure. Asynchronous communication means using tools that don’t require immediate back-and-forth conversations. Think of things like:

Email: An oldie but a goodie, providing a written record and allowing time to craft responses.

Co-parenting apps: Platforms like Our Family Wizard offer structured communication specific to custody, schedules, and child-related information.

Shared online calendars: These help streamline appointments and scheduling without the need for constant messages.

Text messaging (with boundaries): A simple “Got it!” or “Can discuss later” can set expectations without requiring an immediate, in-depth reply.

Let’s dive into how asynchronous communication can allow parenting without telepressure

1. Removing the Immediate Response Burden

With asynchronous tools, the pressure to drop everything and immediately address every question or concern is lifted. This allows you the time and space to fully process information, gather your thoughts, and respond in a way that benefits your child. This is especially important for logistical conversations or decision-making. It also allows you to stay in the moment and respond later, which is the key concept of parenting without telepressure.

2. Combating Emotional Reactions and Escalation

We’ve all sent that text or email in the heat of the moment, only to regret it later. Asynchronous communication creates a buffer. It lets you step away from emotionally charged situations and craft a well-considered response that avoids fueling further tension or conflict, especially when co-parenting.

3. Setting Healthy Boundaries

By opting for asynchronous communication, you set a clear expectation that you won’t always be available to your former partner for real-time conversations. This creates essential boundaries and protects your time and mental space. This benefits both you and your children, allowing for more focused present-moment engagement.

4. Improving the Quality of Communication

Taking the time to craft a thoughtful email or message often enhances the quality of your communication. You can address all the necessary points more clearly and concisely, reducing misunderstandings and back-and-forth messages.

5. A Tool for High-Conflict Situations

When co-parenting relationships are strained, asynchronous communication becomes a powerful de-escalation tool. It helps minimize direct interaction while still facilitating important exchanges about your children.

Making the Shift to Parenting Without Telepressure: Practical Tips

• Discuss with Your Co-parent: Have an open conversation about your intention to use asynchronous communication more intentionally. Set expectations together about response times and urgent matters. If they are not receptive, then practice using the schedule you have created anyway. They will learn to expect responses when you said you would provide the,

• Find the Right Tools: Explore different apps and platforms to find what works best for your needs.

• Set Usage Guidelines: Decide together which types of communications are suited for asynchronous methods, and which issues might still require a phone call or direct interaction.

Embracing asynchronous communication isn’t about becoming less involved as a parent. Parenting without telepressure is an opportunity to be present without the compulsion to deal with your child’s other parent instantaneously. It’s about fostering healthier, more mindful interactions for the sake of your children and your own well-being. It empowers you to choose how and when you respond, removing the telepressure and allowing for thoughtful, focused communication.

If you’re facing an uncontested divorce in Illinois, I invite you to reach out to my office or call 618-726-2671 to learn more about my services and how I can support you through this process.

Disclaimer: This blog post provides general information and should not be taken as legal advice. If you need legal advice about your specific situation, please consult with a qualified attorney in your jurisdiction.